Practice Compassion, Not Comparison
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
– Wendy Mass (also attributed to Plato and others)
We love the quote above, and we use it a lot. For me, this quote is a great connector, encouraging compassion and empathy, urging us to treat others with unconditional kindness and understanding.
But what if we showed ourselves the same kind of compassion? In our efforts for self-improvement, we can sometimes fall into the trap of compare and despair. We look at others and focus on areas where we feel we are lacking. This type of distorted thinking can lead to depression, anxiety, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and low self-confidence. Yet, if we take a moment to practice some self-compassion – realizing that we are no better or worse than anyone else fighting their own battles – we can begin to treat ourselves with the same kindness and encouragement that we give to others.
“Compare and despair” thinking can lead us into a cycle of self-doubt, focusing on our perceived deficiencies and draining us of the courage to try new things and face hard challenges. Letting go of comparisons helps us be the best version of ourselves. It frees us to appreciate all the good things we have done. It allows us to embrace our unique individual values and goals, recognizing that success is about personal fulfillment, not living up to someone else’s standards.
Here are three tools that may help you avoid comparison thinking:
NOTICE & EXPLORE. Jealousy is a universal human emotion that we all feel at some point. Recognize and own your feelings of jealousy, and allow yourself to feel it without acting on it. Explore the aspirations and desires behind the jealousy. Then, think of some steps you can take to fulfill your own dreams, without feeling envy that others are living theirs.
BE SELF-AWARE. Recognize that your idea of happiness is unique to you. Connect to your own life purpose and goals, instead of replacing them with something that appears to be better.
RECOGNIZE YOUR GROWTH. Compare yourself to you, instead of to others. Where were you one year, five years, or 10 years ago? How are you wiser, happier, more content?
With the holiday season quickly approaching, we may soon find ourselves with many opportunities to fall into the trap of comparison thinking. If and when you find yourself in those situations, try not to despair. Instead, focus on what’s in YOUR control – your thoughts, behaviors, and actions – and all the progress you’ve made to get to this point. Reflect on all the micro-successes you have achieved through YOUR strengths and resilience. Then, go on fighting – and winning – those battles that no one else knows about.